Continued on "Greg's Launch" page.

December 6, 1999:  The Tulsa World came out last week to interview me & take photos for a story about Greg becoming the first Oklahoman to be buried in space.  They did a really nice story, and it's online at http://search.tulsaworld.com/archivesearch/default.asp?WCI=DisplayStory&ID=991205_Ne_a1reach

November 25, 1999:  Today is Thanksgiving, the first without Greg.  We had our Thanksgiving dinner last night, because the kids thought they were scheduled to work today, but it worked out pretty good by doing it yesterday.  Angela's friend was home from college for the weekend, and she wanted to invite her over.  Then William wanted to invite his friend over.  I figured, "What the heck!  Why not celebrate our friendships that we're thankful for?"  So, we also invited Greg's friend and had a real nice time together.  Terry had a phone call & had to run out right before dinner was ready, and he didn't get back in time for the prayer, so I said it.  Normally, Greg would have jumped in and offered to say the prayer.  He always used to say "Thank you for this bee-YOOO-tiful day, and please make tomorrow be a sunny day."  I thought that was pretty appropriate to say, so I decided to include that in the prayer.  I never made it that far though.  I thanked God for our friends , and for the time we had with Greg.  Then I got choked up and started crying.  I ended up closing the prayer, and afterwards, nobody moved or said a word.  I said "Well, I thought I could make it through that, but I guess I couldn't.  Okay, let's eat."  Still, nobody moved.  "Come on guys, company goes first".  Finally, everybody started getting up, and after getting hugs, we all filled our plates.  I'm glad we did celebrate yesterday, because they're all with their families today, and wouldn't have been able to come over.  Maybe we'll do it that way again next year.  We decided not to put up a Christmas tree this year, and we're not even going to unwrap presents.  Since everyone needs clothes, and the trip to California for the launch is the week before Christmas, we're just going to pick out our own clothes for the trip & call it Christmas.  That way, we don't have to worry about thieves while we're gone.  I hate that we have to think like that, but you never know.  After New Year's Eve, I'll finish adding to this website.  I'll add photos of the launch, and mention how we're doing during the holidays.  After that, Greg's Leukemia Journal will close, and we'll start a new chapter of our lives, with Greg very much a part of our hearts.  May you all have a Happy Thanksgiving.  Thank you all for your friendship.

November 18, 1999:  Last night I heard that we were passing through the Leonid meteor shower, and it was supposed to be the brightest and most active year for 100 years, with up to 5,000 meteorites an hour.  I went outside twice for about 30 minutes, and didn't see any.  The third time, I saw one almost immediately, very bright, appearing to pass right over & land in the field Greg launched his model rockets from.  I remembered the time several years ago when I just knew I had seen a meteorite land in a field by the highway, and several people called in to the radio station saying they had seen it too.  While everyone was busy debating over where it landed, I decided to just go get it.  Greg and I went out to this field, and started walking to the spot I thought it landed in.  Not finding it, we looked for craters or holes.  No luck.  We kept spreading our search out, looking for anything that might be a meteorite, but still no luck.  We ended up spending two or three hours searching this entire 40 acre field before we finally got smart and gave it up.  Walking back to the car, Greg noticed this really cute tiny cactus plant, and decided to dig it up.  I had never seen one like it before, so I told him I'd help.  The cactus looked like it was covered with tiny red hairs, almost like fur, because there were so many tiny little red thorns, giving it a soft fluffy look.  Big mistake number two!  Those tiny little soft-looking things practically jumped off the cactus like a skin magnet, and became hundreds of little splinters.  They were the annoying kind that cause grief for days, because they were big enough to hurt, and too small to grab with the tweezers.  Somehow, we were never interested in raising cactuses after that day.  Speaking of plants, Greg's friend Joey went to the cemetery with me and William the other day, and we planted the flower bulbs around Greg & Dad's headstones.  Joey came to the hospital and held Greg's hand when he died.  They used to launch rockets together.  After watching on the news last week that we were going to be able to go to Vandenberg, Joey's dad offered to buy him a plane ticket for his birthday present, to go with us to watch the rocket launch Greg's remains into space.  Joey was only two weeks older than Greg.  We were able to get him on the same flight, and there's enough space in the hotel room, so it all worked out nice that he could go with us.  Angela & William have never seen the ocean before, and outside of visiting relatives, we've never had a family vacation before, so we're getting very excited about it all.  

November 9, 1999:  God has smiled on us t~day!  We weren't able to afford to go to California for Greg's memorial service and to watch the rocket launch that will be carrying Greg's remains into space.  After the local news aired Greg's story last week, some anonymous people called in to offer us plane tickets, hotel room, and car rental, so we could go!  We're all so excited!  I never dreamed we'd actually be able to attend, but it looks like it's really going to happen!  

November 7, 1999:  I went to the cemetery yesterday for the first time to see Greg's headstone.  They did a good job with it.  It matches the style of my Dad's, who is buried right beside Greg's space.  I guess now I need to pick out a burial urn and take it down there so they can actually bury Greg.  Greg's headstone has a space shuttle on the left side, and a cross with Jesus on the right side.  I stopped on the way out there to buy some early blooming flower bulbs to plant around both headstones, because the cemetery doesn't mow from November till April, but when I got there, I discovered my little digging tool was missing from my trunk.  Whenever I did my travel nursing, I used to stop along the way coming home, and dig up wildflowers to plant in my garden.  Yes, I did ask the policemen at the rest stop if it was okay before I did it.  Anyway, I couldn't plant the bulbs, but I did trim the grass away and washed the dirt off with windex.  That's something I do every year on Dad's birthday, March 6th, because that's when the bulbs I had already planted are always in bloom.  It's also my private time at the cemetery, instead of Memorial Day, when it's so crowded.  I guess I might have to add on a couple of other days, now that Greg's gone.  I got yellow flower bulbs for Greg's space, because he was always smiling, and he liked happy faces.  Dad was a veteran in the Korean war, so I got red, white, & blue flowers for his space.  The weather's supposed to be nice all week, so I'll have some time to get back there before the first frost comes.  In other news, I managed to scrounge up a few pieces of Greg's hair from his hats and his pillows, so now I have a sample to send to Celestis for their Encounter 2001 flight.  I feel so fortunate for all they've done for Greg.  I hope their fundraising efforts go well, so they can help someone else like Greg the next time around.  I wish the news media would mention that part.  I also am grateful to the National Marrow Donor's Program.  If not for them, Greg would have never even had the chance for survival.  I just feel so bad for all those people out there who are waiting for a bone marrow transplant and can't find a match.  During the course of all this, I learned that of all the 3.7 million people who are now registered, all the minorities combined only make up two percent of those registered.  Unfortunately, race matters when it comes to finding a match for bone marrow transplants, and Blacks, Hispanics, Orientals, Indians, and other minorities have almost no chance of finding a match because of the lack of registered minority donors.  That's another thing I would like to hear the media mention.  Even though Greg didn't survive, he was fortunate to have found one perfect match, and the transplanted marrow didn't have anything to do with his death.  A 28 year old Black man died in the room next door to Greg's, the day before Greg's transplant.  The sad part of the story is that he could only find two people who were a 5 out of 6 match, and they wouldn't cooperate.  The first person, a lady, donated her marrow, and as occasionally happens, the marrow failed (slipped away) after a couple of months.  They went back to her to see if she would give peripheral stem cells, where they hook up an IV, and filter the stem cells out of the blood, and return the rest.  Donors can't give marrow again for a year.  The woman refused.  Now, the patient's immune system was mixed with hers, but they had no choice but to go to the other person, a man.  He refused, saying that he had only signed up and been tested because someone he knew had once needed a match, but he didn't want to give his marrow to a stranger.  The patient's only other option was his mother, who was a 4 out of 6 match, not good enough, but his only option.  He knew that he probably wouldn't survive, but he had to try.  He eventually suffered multi-organ failure from the attempt, and died.  That really shook Greg up, and he was terribly saddened that there were patients out there who didn't have a matching donor.  Maybe that's why this is so important to me.  I hope I someday see the day when no parent ever has to feel the hurt of their child's death.

November 5, 1999:  Greg's remains have been attached to the Taurus rocket that will be taking him to space.  I've copied the pictures below from the Celestis website.  Greg's flight capsule has the following inscription.  

Gregory August Allyn Brown
December 31, 1984-September 14, 1999
Going to Heaven to see God's grace

We got some more great news this week!  Celestis has graciously offered to send some of Greg's DNA (hair samples) on their 4th flight, scheduled in the second half of 2000, on their "Encounter 2001-The Millennial Voyage" flight!  On this mission, they will be sending the DNA of thousands into space with the spacecraft aimed towards a solar system that appears to hold the promise of being able to support life.  Additionally, each participant's name and message will be transmitted via satellite towards four stars in the "summer triangle" that are about 50-70 light years from earth.  Many living participants have already signed up for this voyage, including Arthur C. Clark, author of "2001-A Space Odyssey".  

Flight Capsules bundled with gold capton tape prior to integration.

Orbital Sciences Corporation engineers mechanically attaching the Celestis spacecraft to the fourth stage motor of the rocket.

The Celestis satellite remains attached to the 4th stage motor throughout orbit and its ultimate re-entry in approximately 40 years. N.O.R.A.D. tracks the orbit of the Celestis spacecraft (identified as Celestis 03) throughout the lifetime of the mission.

Celestis launch platform at Vandenberg Air Force Base, California. The vertical structure is the launch platform with the Taurus first stage motor in place. The balloon structure houses the second, third and fourth stage motors of the rocket and provides a protected environment for integration of the payloads prior to final stacking of the vehicle.

October 31, 1999:  Today is the first holiday since Greg died, and the start of the holiday season.  I think about him almost constantly, and miss him so much.  I want to hold him so badly, and hear his happy voice, and see his smiling face.  October 29th marked the day Terry adopted the kids in 1995, and we had a celebration that year, going out to dinner at a restaurant named Ollie's that had trains running all over the place.  Greg really liked that.  That Halloween, we decorated the house & yard like crazy and had a big party for the kids.  We had just moved to this house that spring, and didn't know our neighbors very well yet.  When Christmas came, we spent our money on the kids instead of decorations, and I remember thinking later that the neighbors must think we're real heathens, celebrating Halloween but not Christmas.  The kids had a pretty good Christmas that year, part of the continued celebration of us as a family.  Terry and I were married in 1987 when the kids were 2, 3, and 4 years old.  We didn't decorate for Halloween this year.  Nobody even mentioned it.  This is the first time Angela & William aren't going trick-or-treating, but they are going to a costume party.  They seem to be handling things okay.  They run in the same circles and they have a good peer support group.  They're all a great bunch of kids, and they stay out of trouble, so I feel very fortunate, and I'm very proud of them.  Terry's been playing his guitar a lot more than he used to, and it's one of the ways that he expresses his feelings,  and I'm so glad that he's doing that.  It's also nice to know that he's doing something he loves, and I love to hear him play with his beautiful flowing style.  I went back to work Thursday.  I was getting anxious about it all week, worried about how it'd feel and how well I'd do in the ICU, but everything went just fine.  Everyone at work has been so supportive and compassionate, and I don't understand why they've been so nice to me.  I really missed everyone, and it was good to be back and see them again.  The hard part was when people who hadn't heard that Greg died asked me how he was doing.  I would answer, "He's dead."  I didn't mean to make it sound so abrupt, but it just came out that way.  My friend told me it bothered her when I said it that way, and I told her that it just sounded so wimpish to say "passed away", like maybe it didn't really happen.  I guess it doesn't really matter how I say it, it's hard to say, and it's hard to talk about.  I can talk about most anything, but when it comes to Greg's death or his absence, I get all choked up and have to cut my conversations short.  People ask me how I'm doing, and all I can think to say is that nothing's ever hurt this bad before.  I find myself doing okay thinking about the tasks at hand, but in between, my thoughts are most always on Greg.  I think about missing him, about what he would be doing if he were here, about what he would have wanted me to do now that he's gone, about what might have been done differently to affect his survival.  I still can't picture the future without Greg being a part of it.  This transition period is difficult because I can't imagine feeling "normal" again with the "life goes on"  day to day routines that I used to have when the biggest things I had to worry about were what to wear and what I wanted for dinner.  

October 8, 1999:  I've been feeling pretty numb the past few weeks.  There's so much to say and do, and it's easy to start feeling overwhelmed.  I miss Greg so much, and I find myself crying at unexpected times.  Little things spark memories of him, and I'm finding myself constantly reminded of him throughout each day.  Not just things like rockets and Weird Al, but things like Curious George, smiley faces, frogs, penguins, and toy cars.  I went to the book store, and saw a Curious George book, and I thought of his Curious Greg picture I drew for him, with the monkey passed out next to a bottle of benadryl (instead of ether). 

  He always wanted this picture posted on the wall whenever he was admitted to the hospital.  

The guy who bagged Terry's groceries had a speech impairment, and it choked Terry up while he was standing in line.  I watched an old videotape that had about two seconds of Greg on it, and just watching his hand gestures and the way he walked made me cry, not to mention the sound of his voice.  Greg liked to collect frogs and penguins.  I see them everywhere now.  Maybe I just notice them more.  

I've been working on trying to get things done that need to get done.  I haven't finished my thank you cards, but I'm working on them.  First, I have to re-do my taxes for the October 15th extended (final) deadline.  Everything I had done (4-6 days worth) was dumped last month when the computer went down.  I'm also trying to sort through the medical bills, as many didn't get paid by the insurance & I have to figure out what's what.  I've been working with Celestis on getting everything ready to send a symbolic portion of Greg's remains into space.  They're putting up a new page in the next day or so which will feature Greg & have some info that's not on this website.  They are at www.celestis.com.  They are raising funds to help cover the costs, and excess contributions will go to the National Marrow Donor's Registry.  The launch is scheduled for November 19, 1999.  Greg's donor plans to scatter a portion of Greg's remains into the sea from his ship, where the marrow drive was held that found Greg's match.  The rest of Greg's remains will be interred at Memorial Park Cemetery, in the veterans family section, next to my father, who was in the Navy.  When all is said & done, Greg will be part of the earth, the sea, and the heavens.  His spirit is already in Heaven watching over us all, and now he is the Angel we always knew he was.

September 25, 1999 (2:00 pm):  
"I FEEL GOOD!  This is Gregory Brown.  I have leukemia.  I'm presently watching TV in my room.  I'm about to go in for a bone marrow transplant and in case I don't make it, well, then I guess this is my goodbye."

These are the words from a cassette tape I found today, in it's entirety.

September 22, 1999 (6:45 pm):  Well, it hit me last night, and I lost it while I was looking at Greg's picture.  I'm feeling kind of numb today.  Went to the funeral home to pick up Greg's remains yesterday, and the death certificate had been changed to list the cause of death as Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia.   The original death certificate had read multiple organ system failure, caused by diffuse alveolar hemorrhage, caused by bone marrow transplant, caused by acute lymphocytic leukemia.  I called the medical examiner's office & protested the change, telling them that he didn't have ALL when he died, because it was cured by the BMT, and that the hemorrhage was caused by radiation, and the organ failure was caused by drugs.  They changed it back to the original version, which was at least better than blaming it on ALL.  It's not exactly as I would want it, but it's better, anyway.  Now, we have to wait a few extra days to get the correct paperwork, but that's okay.  Terry started cleaning Greg's room today, and I joined in.  We disagreed over what to do with Greg's things.  He wanted to throw everything away, and I wanted to keep some things.  He's the toss-it-out king, and I'm the pack rat.  As usual, I got my way, and ended up cleaning the room myself (hey, did he plan for that to happen?).  We got the paperwork sent off to Celestis today, for the launch scheduled for November 19th.  If you haven't checked out their website, they're at www.celestis.com.  I've added photos of the flowers received for Greg's funeral.  I've also reduced all the photos to thumbnails, so it loads faster.

September 20, 1999 (7:00 pm):  Well, the company's all gone home, and things are winding down.  Greg's body was supposed to be cremated yesterday, but they said this morning that they didn't get it done, and would do it sometime today.  We've been looking & looking for an urn that we liked, and just haven't found anything yet.  We were hoping to find something with a space theme.  We still haven't tackled his bedroom yet, as we have so many things that have to be done first.  I spent a whole day (resting) just making a list of the things that had to be done, so we could prioritize & not spin our wheels forgetting stuff.  Angela & William are back in school, which is where their peer support system is, so I'm glad for them that their friends are there for them.  We've been talking with Celestis, going over the paperwork to get Greg's remains into orbit.  We're all so excited about it!  I talked with my supervisor today, & he told me to take my time getting back to work.  He's so nice.  Everyone at work has been really supportive.  

September 18, 1999 (10:00 am):  Wow!  What a busy week this has been!  Richard (Greg's bone marrow donor & our hero), stayed with us the past three nights, and went home to San Diego this morning.  I was so busy with all the funeral arrangements, phone calls, and visitors, that I felt bad that I didn't have as much time with him as I would have liked.  I didn't get to show him around Tulsa either, but hopefully he can come back with his whole family, and we can be more hospitable.  Greg's funeral was yesterday, and he wore his yellow top-hat with the smiley faces all over it.  Richard picked out which hat Greg wore.  Before coming, he only had one picture of Greg, in which he was wearing that hat, and Richard said that was the only way he knew Greg.  Every time I looked at Greg in that hat, I started laughing, which is just the way he would have wanted it, so the smiley face top hat was the perfect choice.  We were honored to send it home with Richard today.  The funeral service was very, very nice, and we heard many comments from people on how much they enjoyed the service.  Our church auditorium is octagon shaped with the stage in the center, pews on seven sides, and stairs to the balcony on the eighth side.  The baptistry is at the bottom of the stairs, behind the stage.  We had the casket open in the foyer before & after the service.  They closed the casket when they brought it into the auditorium for the service.  Everyone smiled or laughed when they saw him wearing the top-hat, and I thought that was so cool. They started & ended the service with Mark Wills' song "Wish you were here".  Tempo, our chorus, sang during the service.   Mark Crain & Allen Russell, who work with the youth ministry,  talked about what an ornery practical joker Greg was, and how he always smiled.  They also told about how he always had hope, and what a valiant soldier he was in his battle, smiling & telling jokes, even in the face of death.  They told about how the day after he was diagnosed, he called his sick friend to wish him well, & said "Oh, I'm in the hospital.  I have cancer, but don't worry, they can treat it.  I'm so sorry you're sick".  Greg called his friend every day for the next week to see if he was feeling any better.  That's the way Greg was, always concerned about everyone else.  He couldn't believe so many people could care about him after he became sick, and he (and I) remained in awe until the day he died, of the caring and compassion people continued to show him and us throughout his illness.  After the funeral, the church had a huge supper for the family & friends.  Terry's sister & her husband came over to visit for awhile afterwards.  So, now things are starting to slow down, and the real work begins.  We have a ton of bills & mail to sort through, cards to write, Greg's room to go through, and on & on.  It's been too hectic to really stop & ponder anything, but I know in the days ahead, I'll be shedding lots & lots of tears.  Richard probably thinks I'm pretty cold-hearted for being so business-like at the funeral home & Greg's service, but that's just the way I had to be, in order to get through it all.  

September 16, 1999 (5:45 pm):  Greg's bone marrow donor, Richard Simpson, is here to visit.  Last week, when Greg was still on the ventilator, Richard found a link to our website from the Transplant America website, as we had hoped when we requested the link.  We are so excited to get to meet him, and have him in our home.  We only regret that he did not get to meet our Gregory before he died.  We're all getting to know each other, and finding out things he had in common with Greg, like a dislike of vegetables.  We learned that Richard has a website also, at www.homestead.com/rimpster/Rimpster.html.  We also had some more exciting news.  Gregory is going to get to go into space!  He always dreamed of becoming an astronaut and going to space, and a company called Celestis is going to make that happen for him.  His ashes will go with the next rocket launch scheduled for November 19, 1999.  Celestis (www.celestis.com) is a company that sends remains into space.  They are planning to raise funds to cover the costs of sending Greg's remains with their next scheduled launch, and any money raised in excess of their costs will be donated to the National Bone Marrow Program.  They are the wonderful people who matched Greg & Richard, and do the marrow typing with the extra vials of blood collected at blood drives all over the country.  Now, if that isn't enough great news, today we received flags that were flown over the United States capitol on September 14, 1999 in Gregory's honor, on the day of his death.